it is all about values

i have learnt through the hard way the importance and value of money. it is not THE everything but i cant deny that it is a mean to an end. without cash, i have very limited things to do. i cant enjoy myself during weekends after sloughing myself 6 days at work. i have to self psycho myself that shopping will kill me further. i need to force simple lunch down my throat for a few days. i must consider and re consider before i make a decision just to spend that miserable 10 cents. what a life!

i felt guilty for once. i dont regret my decision but after hearing sad true stories on how other people fight to make their hungry stomaches full each day, i feel like slapping myself. i have almost everything within reach and i lead a comfortable life. instead of treasuring what i have now, i have totally no regrets for anything which i own now. will i only learn how to treasure when i lose it?

i have been thinking a lot these few days when i was resting at work. life is made up of sacrifices. i cant be a greedy person and want to have everything all at once. i will gain some and lose some along the way. it all has to depend on my priorities to see which are the things i want to hold on tight. sometimes, it is not up to me to decide what i want although i believe that i choose the way i want to live my life. principles and freedom always clash. i know deep in my heart how much i want to get out of the whole damn thing but something at the back of my head is telling me that i cant be an irresponsible person. i cant help it but to agree to it. it is just not me to have someone to clear up the mess i have created. i should take pride and responsibilities in anything that is given to me. i want to follow it through from the start till the end. is it a foolish decision? is it worthwhile? i cant be bothered with all these doubts from myself and the people around me. all i know is i will stand by my principles. it is hard to change my values overnight.

it has created a lot of problems for both my family and friends. i am sorry about that. i know how much i have neglected you but i need to follow it through. let this be a discovery journey for me to know how far i can stretch. let me be a better person out of it. i understand the distance between us is growing apart but just bear with me. i seek your patience and understanding in my decision. i shall not whine or grumble anymore. i have made a decision so be it. happy or sad, it is all up to me how i want to live each day.

"inspect what you expect"

march is ending soon

the dreadful march, because of the endless working days, is coming to an end soon. YES YES! it's time for me to countdown again. however, april is not a good month either. it is a month to slunge lke nobody business. in total, i have 7 birthdays to celebrate and 7 different birthday gifts to buy. to make things worse, i cant be stingy with the presents because they are either my family members or friends whom i can click with very well. big headache again! how am i supposed to save lots of money for my dream shopping trip before the school term starts?

what should i get for my dad? i used to be in charge of the cake and my brother will settle the dinner. cake again? boring. furthermore, the options that i have are very limited and unoriginal. as i was walking home a few hours ago, i thought why dont i bake a cake for him instead. haha.... it's time to show off my limited cooking skills. yes, tiramisu cake!!!!! i have been longing to learn how to bake the cake but i always miss the opportunity to learn. i shall succeed this time round.

how about sister? argH!!! i am clueless. quick, i want that good friday holiday to be here soon. i have made plans with the fat and ugly jiefang to haunt for my sister's present. hurry hurry!!!!

resting at home and slacking my day away is something i wish to happen once in a blue moon. it is a blessing in disguise that i am having a headache now. =)

"hang on"

touch me and i shall EXPLODE!

i am in such a foul mood now that anything on earth is going to irritate the hell out of me. first at work and now at home. what the hell! today is an ANTI-KAREN day. everyone is against me and thinking of one hundred and one methods to make me bleed to death for all they care.

the day did NOT start well since morning. i was pissed at the traffic light at the junction near suntec city.the bus could only cross to the other side of the road after 3 red lights. to make things worse, i was LATE for work. imagine the anxiety in me and the hatred for the traffic light growing with every second. i was close to pulling my hair and asking the bus driver to clash into the other cars to cross to the other side.

when i reached the damn depressing room, i saw this paper on my table and my partner was drawing lines on it while sorting files. she told me we are supposed to keep track of how mnay files each of us can do per day because THEY want to check on our productivity. fine, watever and pray hard that the chinese character "zheng" will NOT haunt me later in my sleep.

bad news always arrives when it is close to knocking off time. my dearest boss, despite notbeing able to come to work, she checks on us by calling. should i praise technology or not? she is a committed leader because she is thinking about work when she is supposed to rest at home. for that, i respect her. she has been thinking and thinking of many ways to improve our productivity and speed so that we are able to finish the project by april. however, no matter what numbers she punches into her poor calculator, it refuses to show the number nine thousand. it shows that we are unable to complete everything by the end of april when my contract ends. so how? THEY have no intention to extent the damn contract so they have to push us. WE ARE WORKING AT OUR MAXIMUM POSSIBLE SPEED. what more do they want? i am no a robot. how am i supposed to complete unrealistic goals? i have my own committments. i have my own set of priorities. and i still find it unreasonable for me to pay for a mistake which i did not commit initially. am i not being sensible here? NO!

i had to wait close to 15 minutes for my bus on my way home with a stomach groaning away. do u know how unbearable is to be endure hunger for me? it is close to killing me slowly.

since the day is ending soon, i thought maybe things will take for a change. BUT, my dearest MSN has to give me even more problems. i keep signing out of MSN after i am signed in for a few secons. i dont know why. i followed goi's instructions and went to repair my MSN at the control panel, hoping that everything would be fine but the stubborn msn refused to be repaired. i am damn angry that i uninstall the programme and it is taking donkey years to re install all thanks to my lousy and slow internet connection which my dad refuses to upgrade. CRAP! amazing, i am still able to chat with some people on msn although i cant find anymore msn files in my hard disk. in the past, there is always this window popping out saying i am signed in in another computer. HUH? i only have a PC at home. how on earth does the other PC come into the picture?

summary for the day: crap, lousy, shitty, pissed.

"leave me alone"

work or play

when is the line drew between work and play? it is unqiue to each individual. i cannot force mine on you and you cannot force me to change mine too. that's why i refuse toexplain when friends are asking not to work too hard and too much. we all have our own priorities and i guess we share different opinions.

i truly admire those who have mastered that skill, especially successful married career women with kids in the family. i am not trying to be biased but we women tend to be more emotional. for me, when i am tied down with commitments, i will not put my own interests in the first place anymore. i will think more for the other party ( it sounds like a silly thing to do but it is just like that for me). how am i supposed to juggle work and play? should i be with my kid when he/she is still a toddler? if yes, how about my career and my free time? i do not have the intentions to stop working when i have settled down. i want to work till i cannot work anymore maybe in my seventies or so.

working is taking a lot of my time now, leaving me with limited time spent with my family and friends. my dinner time has been pushed back to close to 9pm due to work. the only time slot i am free for my friends are my pathetic weekends. i only have about 3 hours per day with my parents. see, i am having problems with work and play now. how am i supposed to know how to juggle work and play together?

i am not going to blame anyone for this. i choose to live my life in this way and i have to pay for my decisions. i just learnt something from here. in life, i cannot expect myself to have everything in the world. i need to make sacrifices along the way to grow.

"learn it in the hardest way"

it's all about yourself

it's hard for me to find time to rest now, but i dont regret. i have to pay a price for every decision i have made. since i have planned to live my life in this way, i should stick through and through to it and no think about the "what if" anymore. it serves no purpose except to bring misery to my life.

it's all about the mindset. i just have to encourage myself to keep going and it does not feel that painful anymore. stay optimistic and dont let it affect me too much. is it the environment that affects the person or the person who affectd the environment? i want to be the later one. i want to control the pace of my life. i hate it to be pushed around by people or forced to the wall by some unforeseen circumstances. i want to stand up on my own and live the life i want to be in.

play at work. that's what i have learnt at FISH tales. dont just work and work the whole day long. it just makes my work boring and dull. inject some life into work. wait a minute! i am not trying to promote gossiping at work but just PLAY at work. i was playing along with one of my colleages at work today and time seemed to pass faster. YEAH! obviously i need to find a playing partner at work first.

i am so damn broke that i feel like crying now. i heard a piece of good news today. woon has got into the TOOP 100 round. woohoo!!! all the way girl! sing your heart out. =) another thing taht is worth celebrating for is i have half way through march alrdy, which means i have 2 more weeks before i get my march pay. be patient.

"self control"

if only everyone is a stranger to me

i wonder if it is good to have nobody who knows me well. everyone will be a stranger to me. they dont know the true me. they wont be able to guess my next action or thought. so there will always be a sense of suspense. i dont have to bother about how i should behave in front of them and what i should talk about. they wont bother about a small fry like me who is insignifcant in their lives. i wont troubled myself with inter connections with everyone i know. i wont be afriad that words will spread and the news will be distorted. i dont have to be the ms nice, ms cool, ms friendly or ms whatever anymore. i just have to learn how to be karen. just some random thoughts.

"find your true self"

workaholic i am

karen is CRAZY!!

i cant help it but to keep myself going. i cant stand or sit still and slack my day away. i hate it when i have nothing to do. i dont like to stare in space. i want my mind and body to be moving at every single second. i dont need any leisure or personal time. i do not want to waste my time. i love deadlines. i want to overload myself with responsibilities. i like to keep myself busy. i just want to do and do and continue doing.

these are signs of maddness. it is a once in a lifetime holiday before i step into the working society. i should be enjoying my holidays and not overworking myself and ends up being underpaid. i am not short of cash although i had made a expensive purchase just yesterday. people around me have been asking me to rest more and take care. no worries! i wont collapse and die at the next moment. maybe workaholic can be my second occupation

"choose with your eyes open"

many thinkings to do

everything is confirmed and it is pointless to look back and think. now, what's most important is my future. what do i visualise myself being as? what is my interests? will i be able to cope with the course? is it practical in Singapore society? there are so many doubts to clear and i feel like a lost sheep.

i always have interest in chem eng. it started in sec4 when my chem tutor was telling us a lot of stuff about chem eng, like the job scope, the high starting pay and how can the chem eng apply the chem concepts at work. it may sound boring to some but i like it. i want to pursue my interest because i believe that interest and passion are the driving force to work for the rest of my life after graduation. so i have been telling myself to follow my interests more than my brain because i am the person who allows my head to rule my heart.

after deciding on the course, how about the school? how can i judge each school on? i am currently not a student of any local universities. it is hard for me to decide which school is the better one without myself experiencing the school life myself. ask my seniors? that is a possible way to find out but different people adapt differently to the same environment. consult my tutors? yes, that's what i am going to do tmr and i hope it will be a fruitful trip. =) check on the schools' web and attend their open house? i cant make myself to believe everything i read and see at the open house. no school will be in the right mind to condemn itself on a website. some part of me feel that open house is just for show. it does not really showcase the true life of a student from that school to a large extent.

i need time to sit down and think about it but i cannot squeeze time out for myself. i am really very busy because of work now. besides working at my current working place, i took up a tuition assignment near my house. my first session is on this wednesday and i hope everything will be fine. my tutee will be a nice little kid and the parents are loving, caring and understanding. furthermore, i had started my first guitar class with QIFEI and mr moo on last saturday. everything is going fine except that i have trouble using my 4th finger for the fingering. my 4th fingers are the weakest link and i need to apply a certain amount of strength in order to produce a sound when i pluck. am i just a busy person? sometimes i wonder if i am asking for trouble? i could be contented with my current job and not take up any tuition assignments until my contract ends. i can learn my guitar at a later age since music has no age limits. if i am just working at my current workplace only, will i be a happier person with more time to think and feel the people around me? they are snatching all my precious leisure time away from me. dont worry, i dont feel depressed or pessimistic from such a hectic life. at least i know that i am spending every single second of my life with worth. hope i wont be burnt out before april comes.

"everything comes with a price to pay"

the temperature keeps rising

i cant help it but to feel unjustified for myself. i understand the need to push for it but please spare a thought for me. i am not a perm working adult yet. i am still going to further my studies and this is the last longest holidays i will have before i slog for the rest of my life in a few years' time. i am supposed to be enjoying every single moment of my life now and not suffer in pain and agony.

we are humans, not robots. how are we supposed to hit the unrealistic target? we have tried our very best but we are still under the target. how? extra hours? is it really the best solution? i believe our productivity drops drastically after 630pm. we are unable to get sufficient rest and the tiredness snow balls to the next day. so overall, the productivity does not seem to be there anymore.

the worst part is i feel that i am paying for a mistake that i have not committed. there are many external and internal factors, which are inevitable, slowing down the process. so how can you expect us to speed up and handle these factors at the same time? multi tasking? why dont you watch us do everything for a day and maybe you will see the light.

i appear to be very childish because i cant accept the harsh reality of the working life. i understand that hard work pays off but i am not willing to work that hard now. this is not the time for me to start building my career. i am just asking for some fun in my life. i do not want to live a dull and boring life, with only work revolving me. i want to spend time with my family and friends.

i truly admire those successful career women.

"dont be someone you cant be"

after much waiting

yeah!! i know that i am slow but the link is finally up.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/72419396@N00/sets/72057594066266626/

why do i have such power

i could not believe myself. i actually survived the day until now with a pathetic 3 hours of sleep last night. i was on the phone with jiefang from 11plus all the way till 430am. we didnt realise that time had passed so fast. how on earth did we maintain to chat for 5 hours? i dont know. i think it is the something between friends that kept the conversation going. i knew we both have to work the next day but i refused to hang up the call. it had been a long time since we last chatted with each other. i would rather sacrifice my beauty sleep than a precious friendship.

that's the beauty of her. i cant hide anything from her because she has known me inside out, left to right and top to bottom. she may hold back her comments on a situation when it happens, but she will tell me about it sooner or later. it is just a matter of time. i appreciate the honesty we have in our friendship. we dont deny our flaws or tell a white lie just to make the other party happy. if there are people around you praising you like nobody business, beware! to me, these people are the most schemeing people on earth. they are like wolves in the sheep's clothing. they dont contribute to your development but destroying your life. like me, many told me that i look fierce. i dont deny that point and i am not planning to do anything to suit anyone. i want to show everyone the real me.

bot our horoscopes are not supposed to be good friends. we should be avoiding each other as much as we can. however, we become best friends. that's another thing i like about her. we seldom agree on anything. we both have different fashion sense so we wont be copycats of each other when we go dating. we hold different views on issues. it has always been her dream to study overseas but i dont see the need to do so in the near future. we have different taste for guys, which is extremely good! we wont be hurting our friendship over a guy which i believe is stupid and childish. at the end of the story, it is always more worthwhile to have one more girlfriend than a boyfriend. i am more of the practical side but she is more of the emotional side. though we are different in our opinions, we never argue over them before. in fact, i find it interesting to know more views on a particular issue. it is much more exciting to have someone to challenge and question your view. it makes life more unpredictable.

the last thing i found out about her is her mouth STINKS!!!!!! we were watching the winter olympic at torino while chatting. the event showing was females figure skating. everytime she said the competitor would fall, she would fall at the next jump. it was not a coincidence. it happened for a totoal of four times that night. so the lesson learnt is never anger her because you wont know what curses she will use behind your back.

" a little effort and you can have it going"

looking back

how is your childhood? i dont remember much of mine because i dont remember playing with my siblings at all. it's not because we are anti-social but our age gap is too huge. when i was still playing toys, they were in upper primary or lower secondary already. so what can i ask for? all i remembered is my kindergarden playmates. the best part was the play time before and after class at the playground near my kindergarden. the most hatred subject was music and my favourite was drawing. the miniature tables and chairs, toilets, drawing boards and wooden blocks. the arguements over the trivial matters among kids, the fun of meeting my friends and the tearing because of those BIG bullies. after my school, i would pester my mum and recount every single event that took place in school. at that time, she was a full time housewife. after that, i would watch TV the whole day and not be bother with my school work. i was so engrossed with TV that my brother nicknamed me "the TV programmer". i knew eactly what shows and the duration of all the programmes then. i was impressive ya?

but looking at the kids of today, i sympathesize them. at a young age, they have to attend pre school. parents start to look for tutors in fear that their kids would not score well in their studies and sign them up for enrichment classes like music without knowing their interest first. why does thing change so much within a few years?

i shall be glad that i have my parents. they dont really bother me with my studies. they allow me to take responsibility in my own learning, together with their occasional guidance along the way. they dont force anything upon me although sometimes i disapprove their way of bringing the 3 of us up. i need to start to appreciate the simple things in life - my parents, my friends, an inspiring song, and even a smile from a stranger.

"simple blessings"

a long wait

hey people!! sorry for the delay. the long awaited cny cum birthday celebrations are finally uploaded. i did not have all the photos here. to view the rest, please go to the link(be patient! i am in the process of forming the link) . meanwhile, enjoy these snap shots.


my mum and i


my parents


s14 girls


s14


goi and i


i and eileen


eilzabeth, i and jess


jiefang with her bloody 'pad'


KNS!!!!!


my birthday cake


besties


pee's so-called ugliest pic


@ chijmes


the longest friend i have

i will remember

lessons i have learnt today

1. compromise
2. never judge a book by its cover
3. do not let your emotions rule your head. be RATIONAL!!!
4. do not keep all your feelings inside. you will BURST one day.
5. favouritism still exists. i appreciate EQUALITY even more.

suddenly, i am in love with it. i was excited when i took it out and unwrap it. i felt a a sense of purpose in life. at least there is something for me to do now, and not slacking my night away. it trains my mind and diminishes my weakness - lack of patience. patience is important. it's pointless to rush through things and i may make things even worse. stay calm and think logically when a problem strikes me in the future. it taught me everything in life follows a sequence. nothing happens by its own. events are inter connected to each other. one can be the consequence of another. so there is always a stop to a problem if i break the chain. i am not finished with it yet. i shall show you the final it when the time comes.

ps/ think straight. it is neither abnormal nor disgusting.

"i tell myself i will be strong"

a day for lovers or friends

Top 5 reasons why i should celebrate Valentine's Day

1. splurge on my boyfriend's money and encourage white hairs' growth for him to think of a unique celebration
2. to be the centre of attention for a day
3. to make others jealous of me
4. to feel appreciated and treasured
5. everyone celebrates the day of love

that is just a crappy list i thought of on my way home because i saw a couple cuddling together and doing you-know-what on the public bus!! oh my. i am not very disgusted by them but definitely not enjoying what i saw. since they are willing and daring to display their affection for each other openly, why miss the chance to "watch free show"? anyway, it's valentine's day today. =) to me, it is a day of friendship because i believe that most friendships last longer than the boy-meets-girl relationship.

it's a normal day for me except that i have received bad news from my boss first thing in the morning. i should not comment on that so as not to destroy my mood for work tomorrow. besides, i remembered i had 2 heavy meals, lunch and dinner. the uncle at the VEGETARIAN stall must be thinking i dont eat a lot because i am quite skinny. so he decided to serve me with endless rice but in the end, i finished every single grain of rice. the dishes my dad prepared for dinner today were horrible! i had the urge to eat takeaway. my wonderful mum just told me she had prepared green bean soup and it was waiting for me. although my stomach was close to brusting, my mum's desserts are irresisitible. yummy!

a brand new day at work awaits me.

"face it as a challenge"

meat makes me mad

should i say that i am smart or goi is a lousy actress? haha.. she called me on thursday night and asked me out for dinner because she was too bored at home. immediately, i knew it must have to do with my birthday. anyway, i pretended i didnt know anything so as not to destroy the element of surprise.

met up with goi, dingod and HQ at cityhall after my work on friday. i was totally restless on friday. i could not wait for 7pm to come. i was counting down with one of my colleagues. i didnt know where we were going to have our dinner and they refused to tell me anything except that the venue was at chijmes. i thought they were going to drink even before we had our dinner. please do not do that unless you want to get drunk instantly. we walked around chimjes and finally found the resturant- carnivore, the brazilian restaurant.

i felt awkawrd when i entered. the other customers did not match our age group. they seem to have been working for the past few years. And we, the 4 waiting for results kids, decided to dine in the same place as them. to make things worse, we could not understand what the waitress was talking about. her articulation was very muffled. in the end, we had to pay a heavy price for the lack of understanding.

from the name of the restaurant, you should be able to tell what it serves. the waiters will come and serve the food fresh from the grill. the chicken, ham and sausages were the best that night. the most exquistie dish we had last night was the chicken's heart. it tasted a little like rubbish and the jucie oozed out when your teeth meet together with the chicken heart in between. it was not a horrible dish but i had problem swallowing it down my throat. goi and i found it disgusting to eat that because it is a chicken's heart. if you dont find it yucky, try it.

when we were about to call for the bill, a card popped out from nowhere. it was wonderfully decorated. when i saw it, i thought they bought the card but i was wrong. it is the only one piece in the entire universe. what's amazing is the pictures at the front of the card had a story. they represented their thinking process of getting me a birthday present. so cool!!! the ideas were flip flops, pedi and mani set, coffee bean, wine, coffee beans, chocolate buffet, accessories and guitar.

we were a little stunned when we saw the bill. that dinner cost us around 250bucks for 4 people. actually, the main course was reasonable. it was the drinks' fault. 1 litre of evian mineral water costs us 9 bucks. that was almost triple the price we can get at 7 eleven. that lime alcoholic drink was not bad and 3 of it cost us 45 bucks. the drinks made us paid a heavy price.

it's affordable to go to such a posh restaurant (in our view) once in a blue moon. it's a pleasure to act like a rich person for that few hours. it's scary to eat so much meat for a meal in a day. it's tiring to tell myself i need to work out to burn out the many carnivores i ate that night. thanks guys for the wonderful company last night!

"it wont be hard if you put your mind into it"

find my fault

what's wrong with me? i have been sleeping late at night these few nights and going to work like a zombie. dont worry, i am not suffering from insomnia. dont forget that i am a heavy sleeper. nothing is troubling me now, totally no worries at all. that's why i dont know what is wrong with me. am i a hyper night kid?

maybe work is too dry for me everyday that i refuse to convince myself to sleep because the next moment i open my eyes, it will be a brand new day and i have to go back to work again. it's not that i dont enjoy myself at my workplace at all. i just find the duties plain and boring. nothing exciting at all! i need some excitement in life before i decompose, smell and dies. seriously, someobody saves me!!!! bring me more fun and laughter into my life.

"i will survive"

who i really

my colleagues stared at me in disbelief when i told them that i perfer girls to guys, obiously i was joking with them. one of my colleagues guyfriend is leaving for australia tomorrow but she is not taking leave to send him off due to the sticky situation they are in. do we really need that special companion in life now?

i dont see it as a must or need yet. i am happy with the life i am in now. i am enjoying freedom like never before. i have no committments to make and no promises to keep. i am not obliged to do anything for anyone. i am able to do anything that i like. i dont have to consider about the other party's feelings when i make decision. i am truly living for the sake of myself. do i sound selfish? maybe to a small extent but let's accept the sad truth that Man is selfish by nature.

dont see me as a opposition to relationships. i am NOT! i have my past and nobody, especially those around me want to bring it up. what's the point? what's past is long gone. just live with it and life goes on. i admit that it is a wonderful experience to fall in love. i am sure i can substitute that feeling by eating chocolates right? laugh at me all you want. i know it's absurd to compare falling in love with eating chocolates but the chemical reactions happening in my body is similar. dont get the wrong idea! how can we compare the life long experience we will share (keyword here is share) with the companion with the instant joy by popping chocolates into our mouths?

i am not afraid of committments. if you think carefully, we are making new committments every now and then. a few months back, i need to carry out my duties as a student. and now, i have to ensure that i am able to work efficiently and productively. committments are action promises. i guess i am more of the carefree person. i dont wish to be tied down soon. i can only live life once. i want to truly enjoy life before i settle down. i want to know more about the world. i want to enrich my life by taking up courses, learning new stuff and gaining more knowledge. i want to be further developed mentally and spiritually. i want to continue to explore and know the true me. i always believe that i need to understand myself first before i can allow someone to understand me. give me time to venture on my own and i will be a better person out of it.

being a carefree person. is that just an excuse to cover up? i dont believe in this word forever because nothing in life lasts forever. friendships does not continue unless you make an effort to maintain it. families break up. couples break their promoises. even human is not immortal. is it why i does believe in eternal love? but wait, is there any difference between love and eternal love? please dont tell me the difference is there is an additional word for the second phrase. how about not does not want to rely too much on others? could that play a part to my stand on relationships as well?

i am so tired after working today. i am seriously suffering from monday blues. the pictures i took on my birthday have not been uploaded yet. they are still in my memory card. i have not recharged my digital camera yet too. i will try my best to get it done as soon as i can.

"think before you decide"

it's never enough

i truly felt loved and appreciated today by groups of wonderful pals i have made.

S14 - the day started off very well. i managed to wake up on time and was ready to walk to pear's house by 10am. to my horror, i waited for the signal to start moving off for almost an hour. jess was late was what goi told me. i was thinking why on earth did this woman need an hour to get to clementi from bukit panjang? anyway, when i opened the door, i was shocked to see hq. i thought what was he doing at my door step? the only possibility i could think of was he had lost his way, didnt know how to get to pear's house and he has a fantastic memory because it has been almost a year since he last came to my house for cny house visiting. suddenly, the rest jumped into the picture and i saw candles. yeah!!!! so happy... i was touched when they told me goi and eileen woke up at 5am to make the cheesecake for me. pear went to search for the receipe online. they had to make the cake by themselves because no cake shop was opened during the cny period. and HQ for scouting available cake shops. the funniest part was the class alighted at the wrong bus stop and had to walk all the way from 2 bus stops away from the central to my house. it was freaking hot so i could imagine the amount of sweat and tears you guys had shed. the cheesecake was yummy. rmb to teach me when we meet up soon okay? maybe we can do that during one of the 3rd sats of every months. =)

KNS - left around 6 plus and met KNS at orchard for dinner at coffee club in kino because my dearest liting was working there on my birthday. =( as usual, we started taking ugly and decent photos. we forced pee to take a ugly shot because she has none in our memories. laughing at jiefang's weird triple eyelids. i love their present, esp our KNS photos and the last one. haha.. they know me so well. i guess i will have to look through all the photos and place more attention to the last one. you know, leave the best till the last. haha.. dont worry. i still love you all always! after having a heavy and my first decent meal of the day, we went to mache to try their cocktails. didnt really enjoy the drinks. the alcoholic content wasnt very high but it got our woon a little tipsy. she was laughing at everything whenever lydia spoke and had difficluties walking in a straight line. after qipei left, we went to one of the pubs at chijmes and started drinking again. lydia, jiefang and i secretly hid one of the glass - holy smoke from woon because we knew that if she drank that, she would definitely knock out on the spot. there was whiskey in that drink so that's not for the wanna be drunkard woon. there was a live band inside the pub and they rock. one of the guitarists' vocal was good. the atmosphere was great if we neglect the slightly smoky smell when we were about to leave the place. other than that, it is a place that is worth visiting again. =)

came home late and time check - 0208. i am supposed to wake up in the morning at 7 to go to work. what a depressing thought. i am still in the holiday mood, not ready to work my butt off yet. hopefully my boss will be kind enough to give us a earlier knock off time tmr, which is highly impossible. stop day dreaming!!!! i will have to look after to the weekends and after work for the next few months because there isnt any public holidays in feb and march. the next public holiday is only in april. that sounds so far away right? so everyone out there, please meet during weekends or after work okay? i dont want my life to revolve around my work only before i go bonkers.

FAMILY - it is the cny period so it's time to spend with family and my relatives whom i will only meet yearly. my family did not gamble when we went on house visiting. we just sat around and talked about everything. i drank a lot during these 3 days. the red wine after my reunion dinner, draught beer with my dad and visited a pub on my birthday. oh my!!! i should refrain from drinking for the next few weeks or maybe months. i am not a alcoholic anyway. i was close to tears when i knew my dad actually walked the entire clementi central on the eve of my birthday to look for a opened cake shop. he does not bother about my birthday in the past. he only treated the family to dinner on my birthday. he never bothered himself about getting a birthday cake for me. it was always my mum who would prepare or buy the cake for me. it is just not his norm. my mum willingly volunteered to bake a cake for me instead. the cake was yummy. that should be my breakfast for the next few days because i am sick of having bread with peanut butter.

i want to thank you everyone for the effort in planning these wonderful birthday surprises. i know it's hard and sometimes frustating to organise such event. i truly appreciate all your efforts. i promise i will love you all more and treasure our friendships. thanks for all the sms birthday wishes too!!! i still have them in my hp although my memory is 95% full. i cant bear to delete them all. haha.. when do i become a sentimental person? i am officially 19-years-old. be a more sensible person. i am already a big big girl. i should try to maintain my clean record. i hope it is not too hard to kick the habit. i have been a good girl since cny. =) be a happy and healthy girl!

"i feel blessed"

the company i seek

it's the eve of the lunar new year today. delicious food and great company.

my dearest buddy by the name of ong jiefang brought 3 ntuc sized plastic bags fulled with food to my house in the afternoon. oh my! she had overestimated my family's appetite. how were we supposed to finish the food that could last us for 2 days within a meal? anyway, the sea cucumber dish was heavenly. i loved the sauce. i must go your house one day and ask you dad to teach me how to cook so that my parents will stop bugging at me to learn cooking.

when the 2 of us come together in a lazy afternoon, nothing good will happen. today was no exceptional. we started playing with my make up set. haha. let me see. some of you might be thinking that we are vain right? but wait! dont jump into conclusions that easily. we dont apply make up whenever we go out. if the occasion calls for it, we are left with no choice. so we are not vain. we are still in the process of learning how to put on make up. to me, learning it is a must because sooner or later, i will have to do that when i enter the workforce. i dont want to panic and freak the hell out of me when the occasion arrives. remember the guide's motto - be prepared. =)

reunion dinner arrives!! yeah! that's the best part of the day. i love food. the reunion dinner i had this year tasted or rather felt different as compared to the other years. i could feel the sense of closeness within our family after so many unfortunate events had happened in the previous month. i am glad that everything is settled and has become history. my brother bought red wine. yeah! karen loves drinking. the red wine he bought was the one i love. remember the one you tried at my house jiefang? the bottle is not done yet. my next target is the japanese mei jiu. i haven tried it before. dont know what it tastes like although goi said it sucks. my mother's and brother's face turned red immediately after sipping the red wine. even their ears were red too. they were not drunk. just that their blood circulation is strong.

i am quite sad to know that some of my friends dont know there is such a thing called shou ye. when the children shou ye, they are wishing their parents to live till a ripe old age. that's an act of filial piety. is the traditional chinese customs fading into the background? i am not a very traditional person. it is due to my passion for history. i love the chinese culture. i am hungry for the knowledge. i want to know the past. i even had the urge to read the full version of the romance of the three kingdom after playing fate of the dragon. i want the essence of the past to be passed on. it's good to know your roots to have a sense of identity. i want to have something to reply on when i am living in a materialistic and realistic society. i need to know the true me.

"dont hesitate to ask for help"